shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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