Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
