Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
