It was confusing and full of hummus
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
