On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
