I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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