4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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