did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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