am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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