yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
