At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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