im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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