The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
