GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
