I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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