just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
