The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do herpes really smell.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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