I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
