im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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