my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
