yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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