i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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