Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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