Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
