whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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