I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize