the condom got lost in my hair
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
