my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
