okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
