We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
