Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
