Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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