I think i peed on brittanys purse
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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