It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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