i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
