Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
