STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
