People with herpes should wear stickers.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
