His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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