He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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