3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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