i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
