He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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