my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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