Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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