After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize