I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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