Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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