I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
