I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.