6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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