My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.