yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
