Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
