I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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