I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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