drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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