FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
