4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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