Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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