You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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