not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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