so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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