my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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