my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
