The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
