My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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